I have always been active since I was young. Long-distance running was my strength. I wasn’t the fastest runner, but I represented my school in several events, and I loved the feeling of pushing myself.
When COVID hit, I became obsessed with home workouts. I practised high-impact workouts every day (not advisable), and eventually, I hurt my back. It took several months of gentle massage and daily stretches to recover fully. After that, I stopped exercising completely because I was afraid of hurting my back again.
Fast forward to 2023, I undertook a six-month postgraduate professional development qualification. Juggling my full-time job and this course pushed me over the edge. I spent most of my days off and evenings sitting in front of my laptop, typing constantly.
My back pain returned, and this time, it never really left.
I struggled to walk. I couldn’t lie on my back. I woke up in the middle of the night because of the pain. I tried sleeping while leaning against the wall. Climbing the stairs took me ten times longer. Putting on socks, shoes, or even my undergarments became a challenge.
Every morning, I would wake up and stare blankly at the ceiling, waiting for the pain to ease slightly before pulling myself out of bed.
I thought it was just my old back injury flaring up again, probably caused by a sedentary lifestyle. I had no idea this was something more.
The Diagnosis: Ankylosing Spondylitis
In September 2023, my manager sent me home because I could barely walk. I booked an appointment with my GP. After weeks of waiting, I finally had my first GP appointment since moving to the UK.
During the appointment, my GP reviewed my medical history and discussed possible causes of my back pain. That was the first time I heard the words ankylosing spondylitis (AS). I remember him saying it was a rare condition, but he would send me for blood tests and an X-ray “just in case.”
A few weeks later, I received a letter asking me to book another appointment to discuss my blood test results. Out of curiosity, I checked the NHS app first and saw: HLA-B27 positive.
My life changed from that moment.
Slowing Down
Before 2024, I rarely stopped. I pushed through tiredness. I told myself to keep going.
Living with ankylosing spondylitis has forced me to slow down. And in slowing down, I’ve started noticing the things I used to miss: quiet mornings, peaceful evenings, small routines that make me feel grounded.
Slowing down doesn’t mean giving up.
It means listening.
Redefining “Normal”
I used to imagine a normal life as climbing stairs two steps at a time, putting on socks without pausing five times, running freely on flat ground, getting out of bed immediately when I woke up, and sleeping through the night in any position (what a luxury!).
I used to think a normal life meant having no health worries.
Now, I think a normal life is simply living fully with what you have.
I still work full-time.
I still try new hobbies.
I still love food.
I still dream, plan, and grow.
My life may look different, but it is still beautiful.
Learning to Live with Chronic Pain
Now I am learning to live with chronic back pain and inflammation. Some days are easier than others. Some days require more patience.
Instead of seeing this diagnosis as something that took everything from me, I am slowly learning to see it as a gift.
Not a perfect gift.
Not an easy gift.
But a gift that is teaching me lessons I may never have learned otherwise.
Learning Patience
Patience has never been my strongest quality.
But living with a chronic condition like ankylosing spondylitis is teaching me that healing and growth do not happen overnight. There are flare days. There are good days. There are days when I feel completely normal and days when I don’t.
I’m learning that it’s okay to adjust my expectations.
It’s okay to rest.
It’s okay to move at my own pace.
Moving Forward
This blog is my space to document this journey — the ups, the challenges, the lessons, and the small wins of living with ankylosing spondylitis.
I don’t claim to have all the answers. I’m still learning. But if sharing my story helps even one person feel less alone in their journey with chronic illness or chronic pain, then it’s worth it.
This is just the beginning.
And I’m choosing to live my gift.
Lots of love,
Fern